F*cking crying

I cry easily.  It pisses me off sometimes.  Crying has always been how I unload, when I am unbelievably stressed out and tired and and broke and stretched too thin and not taking care of myself/getting enough sleep/wearing a coat because it's cold out and don't I know Im going to catch my death of a cold/everything else my mother always lectured me to do.

Sometimes I cry because something is just so beautiful, so ineffably unspeakably amazing and awe-filled, I just can't help but weep.  Music does it sometimes, or a glorious sunset, or the sudden realisation that the Universe in all Her infinite grace just fucking loves me.

Or a long distance commercial.  Or that one...you know the one for the SPCA with Sarah Mclachlan singing and all the dogs and the kitten with a cast on its paw?  Yeah, that one.  Those fuckers get me every time.

Today I cried out of pure frustration.  In my office.  Twice.

And there were witnesses.  Yeah....both times.

At least it wasn't actually about work.  I was losing my mind at my doctor's office.  Yes, what I have going on is important and alarming and painful and ugly and totally doing wonders for my ego and no, it's probably not going to kill me or cause permanent damage to my already bad vision (probably anyway, though it's kind of actually a real concern) and yes, I've spoken to the advice nurse and the office nurse and a few other people and I finally got this goddamned "urgent" appointment (two days later, but who's counting?) and NO YOU MAY NOT CANCEL IT!

So I complained as politely as a woman can when her eyelids are flaking off her face one layer of skin at a time (thanks, Seasonal Allergies, for this new and 'interesting' symptom).  I still have that appointment, just a little bit later in the morning, but Im okay with that.  When I apologised to the nurse for getting mad at her, she laughed and told me I was the nicest mad person she's ever dealt with and why can't all her patients get mad at her like I did?  A weird compliment but it made me laugh a little as I hung up.

Hopefully tomorrow I won't cry and I will get some relief for whatever the hell it is that my eyes are doing.  My doc (an NP actually) rocks.  If you have Kaiser and live in Sacramento and want a good adult medicine provider, let me know.  I'll happily give you her name and number.

My day did get better.  Much better.  I came home to my lovely Naked Coffee Boy who, with the help of the Vampire Child (his oh-so-13 year old daughter), fixed homemade potato soup, made with half-n-half and cheese and BACON.  It was like a warm creamy bowl of baked potato-ness...pure joy.

~W

PS...the SPCA is an amazing organisation.  My Baxter was a shelter dog and has grown into a wonderful buddy.  Save a life, adopt a pet.